elyssa: getting back on track

location: toronto

week in review:

toronto is bustling with limos and escalades. paparazzi and celebutantes. the whole city comes alive for two weeks every september to host the second most important film festival in the world (second only to cannes). as rail thin women in designer gowns traipse up and down my street, it would be easy to entertain thoughts of inadequacy, but i am forever comforted by my newfound (if struggling) focus on health, not weight.

i'm rethinking the notion of the 1 week challenge. clean week was a disaster on many levels. while my intentions were good - i did end up feeling deprived - and that as we know - can only lead to bad places. i threw clean week to the wind on friday and indulged in a day on the town with the boy and his sister. we had thai, and chocolates, and sushi. oh my. everything tasted so good.

there were some delightful clean meals at home (the problem wasn't what i ate - but the quantities and mood with which i approached my food)..

turmeric eggplant and spinach

butternut squash with apples, topped with earth balance

the best thing about clean week? i'm now on 10 consecutive days of yoga. some days at the gym. some days at home. some 2 hrs. some only 20 mins. i am happy that my practices are showing increased skill, but most importantly - i am happy that i practice everyday not because i feel compelled or forced, but because i genuinely crave a bit of yoga in my day. it is because i love yoga so much that it always naturally finds a slot in my routine - and for this, my dear, i thank you. you gave me yoga.

new challenges:

the food part of clean week went a bit iffy, but my body is feeling rested and renewed. today i got back on track with my exercise and felt better than ever. as i return full time to school, the goal is to exercise vigorously without going overboard. the latter part being the key. i have to remember that when i push myself too far, i will inevitably be too tired the next day to exercise properly, resulting in disaster. moderation: it's an art.

- take more precautions to avoid overtraining (like no weights on consecutive days)

- keep up the yoga

- incorporate HITT (high intensity interval training) into days when i don't want to slug away at the elliptical for 40 mins

- push myself to moderate naturally (avoid obsessive calorie counting)

lastly, this week i've learned the importance of respecting what my body craves. i want to take the time to identify what it is that my body really wants - i.e. i'm thinking of cake, i must need carbs, seek healthy carbs, instead of devouring a random slice of cake. today i craved pb and banana - and i gave myself just that, with a bit o' pumpkin and cinnamon, on a sandwich thin. it kept me happy for a long time..

current obsessions:

celeb spotting. watching old episodes of the OC. baking the perfect vegan orange cake. planning an anniversary dinner to share with le boy.

hira: i enjoy long walks on the (beach) promenade.

today, i enjoyed an extra long walk by the river po that runs along valentino park. my roommate, regina from puebla, mexico, joined me for an adventure that took us to the greenest parts of torino, italia. my study abroad program, USAC (University Study Abroad Consortium) largely consists of American students, with some international students from Latin America and Europe thrown in for good measure. I have classes with students from Mexico, Serbia, Hungary and France---naturally, you know me well and have probably guessed that i have mostly been hanging with the international students/'foreigners'---although I am probably the foreigner in this case...I have never been much of a pub crawler, and so i choose to spend my nights having beautiful dinners with strangers and new friends, walking along the river and taking photos as the light changes, ever so slightly, to create the most wondrous scenery. i have been

struggling a bit with my OCD behavior--always feeling like i NEED to be doing something 'productive'. not allowing myself to just be. to breathe in the river scent. to follow that road that appears as if it will go nowhere. to climb those stairs that wind up to a hidden overlook. well, tonight i have been just...sitting. walking. sitting. walking.

perching. photographing. eating.

allow events to change you. you have to be willing to grow. growth is different from something that happens to you. you produce it. you live it. the prerequisites for growth: the openness to experience events and the willingness to be changed by them.

slow down.

ask stupid questions. growth is fueled by desire and innocence. assess the answer, not the question. imagine learning throughout your life at the rate of an infant.

think with your mind. forget technology. creativity is not device-dependent.

still eating that gelato. i should maybe stop that. soon! it doesn't help that i live next to this particular gelaterria. fate?

oh yeah, i did actually mange to get an italian cell phone...it took me over a week, but it just didn't seem that necessary, ya know?

elyssa: last first day of school..

location: toronto, in and out of the law school

midweek check-in:

..until culinary school, that is. after 7 years as a full-time university student, it feels good to be heading into the final stretch. i love the idea of this blog serving as an accompaniment - a conversation between best friends - tackling life in very different places, in very similar ways. it's that tangible bit of friendship and support that i need to make it through these next 8 months - healthy and happy.


so i finally mailed this. wow.

school is back in session. the air is cool, and the wind is blowing with a strength that only comes with the ushering in of a new season. sweaters, and plaids, and pumpkins. oh my. in canada, you never have to wait long for fall. i honored the season by taking on fall soup frenzy. 6 hours. my tiny kitchen. 4 homemade, protein-laden soups. all fresh ingredients.
after a trip to the dollar store for tons of tupperwares, the soups were portioned off to be split with the boy.

first, coconut red lentil soup from angela. i made mine with leeks (instead of scallions) - and some coconut butter thrown into a cup of almond milk (instead of coconut milk), and the results were delicious. the lemony, gingergy, cilantroishness is going to make me really happy on a cold night when i'm hitting the books. next up, something for the boy - classic (organic) turkey chili with kidney beans. slow slow cooked. served in a hollowed out baked tomato avec nutritional yeast when he came over for an unexpected dinner. oh, and the secret ingredient? cocoa powder. third, green soup! from food network's laura calder. peas. spinach. substitute almond milk for cream. delish. fourth, traditional cuban frijoles negros (black bean soup). start with a sofrito of slow cooked onions, green bell pepper, and olives. add to the beans (organic - so much better, rinsed over night) and cook for hours on low. cumin gives it that cuban flavor. i made a huge batch of this soup - a massive container for the boy and for myself. today, i mixed a cup of the beans with pumpkin and topped with cayenne and cinnamon. the rest i'm planning on turning into black bean burgers sometime this week.

pumpkin+beans

ps the breakfast soufflé, pumpkin edition - has been coconuttified. sub some of the pb for coconut butter. top with coco flakes. aaaeeeeeeeeeeeaaah.



current challenges:

clean week is going well when i'm on my own. i've slowed down to enjoy some easy cardio sessions on the spin bike, and i'm really appreciating my yoga practices. i'm feeling the soreness in my body slowly disappear. i'm naturally less hungry. i'm resisting the urge to pick up the weights or jump on the treadmill like a maniac, but its going to feel so good to get back to it next week. in one of my calmer moments, i found myself dwelling on the thought that 'the best i can do is my best'. i don't know if i made this up myself, or if this is a common mantra - but in this little, clichéd moment - i gained so much peace and insight.

when i'm not on my own, it's a bit harder to stay clean. example: the boy and i pop in a movie (the very depressing the white ribbon - little german children that torture each other pre-WWI). we pretend we're content just sipping our tea. lame. boy suggests peanut butter. i suggest popcorn. the result? popcorn coated with loads of pb (melted in a pan with a bit of agave and earth balance). yum. we ate the entire bowl transfixed. sticky hands. dirty faces. there was no way we would have stopped even for a photo moment. after, instead of crying for my ruined clean week, i laughed and wiped my face.

blog moment:

finding comfort in elina's discussion on food anxiety.

current obsessions:

planning fall soup frenzy II. making exercise communal (tomorrow, i'm sharing a yoga class with a friend). trying more vega products. the chia seeds i finally bought!

off to enjoy a cup of tea. miss you.

hira: in questi giorni dolci (these sweet days)

ok so the stable internet is still a no-go...but i missed you too much to NOT post. clearly, i had to resort to stealing internet signals (weak signals) from the sweet neighbors who brought me some dolci and bowls. they obviously love me. the feeling is mutual and i let them know it by..ummm..taking their advice and eating gelato, pizza, and most importantly, the pasta. we'll get to the food in a minute. i know that's what you're most interested in, but let me humour you for a bit and show you a bit of my daily life now.

i know we discussed my motivations and attitudes regarding this study abroad before leaving; these days, this feeling has intensified. it has only been three days in italia, and i have been strolling along piazzas and thinking about the next four months and what i want it to mean for me. overall, i came here for myself. to rediscover the sweetness of life. to slow down and enjoy my food, my surroundings, and myself. i don't have many 'urgent' expectations--things i NEED to 'see' or places i NEED to visit--rather, i want to experience..well, everything. my gelato, my apartment, my river po, my daily morning espresso. i am slowing down and living the way i have always wanted: simply. this is the italian way. and now, it is my way.

first things first, check these views:

from one balcony: i love the little houses nestled within the mountain. swiss alps in the distance.



..and the other balcony on the opposite side of the apartment--what a difference!



so i typically start my day puttering around my tiny (perfect) apartment:



then, as much as i can function without coffee, i stumble out into the street:



and stop for my morning espresso. usually i stand at the bar, take my caffe back in one go, drop some coins on the counter and 'ciao ciao' my way out the door. if i'm feeling frisky, i'll sit down outside and stare at the mountains. if im feeling really frisky, i go for an espresso doppio (double espresso). italians will tell you that it is most definitely sacrilegious to drink anything but a cappuccino in the morning (but clearly only before 11 am, or else you're just confused and american). espresso reminds me of turkish coffee--something i love--and so it be damned, i will have my espresso:



i haven't really started school yet, and i'd much prefer to wander around aimlessly and get myself hopelessly lost among via garibaldis, via genovas, and via giagliones.






sometimes, i will meander back to another apartment (in which some other students live) and help cook a dinner, sit on the balcony and look over the city:





of course, i like to venture back out to my favorite gelaterria--GROM. per favore, un gelato piccoto, yogurt. molto buono.




and with this, my darling, i leave you to go visit the panne lady down the street. clean week, in terms of both exercise and eats, sounds good. im doing a clean semester for my soul.

elyssa: starting clean week

current location: hamilton (the boy's new house)

week in review:

bonjourno, lovely! hope italia is treating you well. i am in a less romantic location - hamilton (aka steel city), ontario. the boy finally fled the parental nest and has moved in with his friends. the transition has been umm..interesting..but i've stuck around to get him all settled in. i arrived friday night after 3 hours on public transit (one of his self-imposed conditions for leaving the house was giving up his car..oh my). i brought this cranberry coconut pumpkin banana loaf as a housewarming gift:



i adapted it from angela's cherry banana coconut butter bread. minus 1 banana for the added pumpkin. a bit ad hoc (can you tell i'm not a baker?), but it came out perfectly. i'm so excited for this new boy's house thing. they're absolutely uninspired when it comes to eating - giving me the opportunity to make and bake absolutely anything i want, freeze it, and send it over for emergency meals. yay, i have guinea pigs!

my weekend here has been blissfully free from calorie counting, but full of healthy choices. a salad instead of a particularly dense wrap. a shared dark chocolate bar instead of a starbucks carbtastrophe. ohh and we made our own fro-yo! what started as a tragic reaction to our inability to drive up the hill to get some yogen fruz from the movie theater, ended in one of the more triumphant moments of our relationship. 1 tub greek yogurt + a bit of raw sugar + dark chocolate chips + some frenzied whipping action and into the freezer for a couple hours. remove every 30 mins and whip some more and you get delicious, legitimate, crave-worthy frozen yogurt. see david lebovitz for details.

one of our less triumphant moments? boy asks what i want for dinner. i (stupidly) say: 'make whatever you want, honey. i want to see what you can do' (assuming he knows the no red meat deal still holds). boy enters cheapo grocery store. boy returns with veal. i grimace. boy cooks veal, promises to makes side of black beans for girlfriend. boy gets flustered cooking and inserts black beans into veal hodgepodge. with hot sauce. i dont do veal. i dont do hot sauce. i starve. canned green beans to the rescue.

need to get back home asap for some green monster action. i miss them so. in the meantime, i continue to take as many free starbucks and poor-man's fro yo as the boy can give.

new challenges:

this past week i suffered from binges, insomnia - you name it. around wednesday night last week it hit me - my body is exhausted. while i am always careful to integrate rest days into my workout regimen, i think i need a rest week. then i remembered my plans for clean week, and i figured it would be good to integrate the two. without the break, exercising becomes tedious..it no longer stimulates me mentally..and my body is in a permanent state of soreness. like the boy said: 'we exercise to feel good. why do we keep doing it when it makes us feel bad?' ergo, the exercise hiatus. the goal is to exercise less, and eat less - and to get everything readjusted to more balanced levels in preparation for the new school year.

- replace intense circuit/interval training with long, relaxing, slower spin bike sessions (avec a magazine or book) - just to keep the sweat in my daily routine
- go to as many yoga classes as possible, and keep yogaing at home
- eat clean:
no dairy (not even the beloved espresso con panna)
no refined anything (sugar, wheat etc)
actually, no sweeteners (no agave, stevia, honey..any of that. i find it's the only way to reset the palette to appreciate true sweetness)
no eating out

i dont intend for this week to be one of restrictions. for every no comes a gazillion yesses. i'm going to cook a lot. eat a wide variety of whole foods. keep the intake down, but nutrients maximized (and make sure i'm getting lots of protein to retain muscle development!)

blog moment:

discovering teri's words on relationship eating

current obsessions:

artisana coconut butter. getting my hands on some glo bars. zac efron. lentils.

hira: ciao bella!

ciao, ciao!!

after an exhausting 25-hour travel time (including layovers), i am finally in torino, italia! my hotel bed is beckoning, and i must hurry--i have to be up early tomorrow to move into my new apartment--which is right along the river Po. Long post and updates to come when i find stable internet.

current obsession: all things italia.

elyssa: thoughts on labeling

location: toronto

midweek check-in:

if i ever needed an outlet, it's today. i'm so happy we started this blog. i went on a dinner date with a friend from school. i specifically wanted to go to dinner with her because i've always respected her healthy approach to student life. now that she has graduated and is a full-time working woman, i was curious to see how her habits have changed. i was happy to hear that she continues to strive for balance in all that she does. she had the guts to order a smoothie plus dessert instead of an entree (because she had eaten a large lunch) - something i always find difficult to do in a social setting. after talking with her, i came home motivated and refreshed. then i drowned myself in chocolate.

as i read the numerous blogs i've grown so attached to every morning, i'm starting to become frustrated with the discrepancy between these 'successful' women and myself. although i realize that the reason they are successful is because they have the ability to moderate and maintain (it's never about extremes), i feel like i can't rest until i reach that point. angela (oh she glows) makes the striking observation that her previous life was always about exercising more, eating less - an unsustainable pattern. this, unfortunately, is where i currently find myself.

dairy is not my friend - and i know this. yet, allow me the indulgence. today i made some delicious homemade balsamic chocolates. a bit o' cream. some dark chocolate. balsamic inside. marvelous. my approach could use some perfecting: next time, less cream for less of a runny consistency, and i think i'll let the balsamic cool a bit longer before dripping it onto the chocolate. i layered it in an ice-cube tray - ganache, balsamic reduction, more chocolate. allow to set. dust with cacao powder. consume.


..and i consumed too many. first i started by eating all the ones that didnt look 'perfect'. then i ate a couple more because they tasted so good. then i ate a couple more because i was so pissed with myself. i remembered a similar incident last year with date squares (i went through an intense date square phase - i must have tried 20 recipes). i thought to myself 'this is how i undo the summer. this is me failing'. then my mind wandered over to the blog world, and i thought 'those women wouldn't be doing this'. all of this brings me to my point on labeling. clearly, this is a problem. does this mean that i have a problem? i ate chocolate that i didn't want to eat, and i was subsequently wracked with guilt. do i walk around telling people that i have an eating disorder? probably not, but i think it is of utmost importance for me to contemplate and identify what drives this behavior if i am to achieve long-term success.

i've come so far with combatting my OCD by labeling it. talking about it with friends. acknowledging the reality of the disorder. i continue to struggle with it on a daily basis, but knowing that it is real helps me through the ups and downs. the same thing needs to happen with my eating. for now, i'm ok with saying that i have a disordered relationship with food. to quote an acquaintance from the gym: 'i love food, but i'm terrified of it'. totally terrified. all i can do tonight is communicate these thoughts to you. nurse my sugar headache. go do my laundry, and hop on the treadmill during the spin cycle. why the treadmill? only because i had planned to previously. recall the tearful post cheesecake factory elliptical experience? never again. i'll run tonight because it makes me feel good.

new challenges:

short and sweet - i'm going to bake two coconut cranberry loaves tomorrow. one for myself, one as a housewarming gift for the boy. i will have a piece and enjoy it. the rest will be sliced up and frozen. i will not deprive myself. i will not overindulge. this is a huge, if simple, challenge.

bon voyage, darling. please have some italian balsamic for me the minute you step off the plane!

current obsessions:

pumpkin black bean soup. collard greens. september issue of self magazine.